I’m not going to take you through the entire press conference — you can watch it yourself — but a couple of things to notice from it: A-Rod has no chance of ever landing a gig acting, and the guy is either a terrible liar or incredibly dumb, or both.

According to A-Rod, his cousin injected him with steroids, but he “didn’t know what they were,” just that they were some substance from the Dominican Republic that you inject in your butt and it gives you high energy and big muscles. I know I’d be in the dark, too.