Look, I said last week that the first week of the NFL season is unpredictable. And though I thought I’d do a little bit better than 4-11. That said, some crazy things happened in Week 1, and that’s what Week 1 is for.

Another thing, not everybody bets on every game. If you do, you’re an idiot. I gave my lock of the week, and it hit. I’ll do the same this week, only I guarantee double the victories. Here we go.

Last week: 4-11
On the Season: 4-11
Locks of the Week: 1-0

Oakland Raiders @ Kansas City Chiefs (-3.5): My thought was that JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden and all the additions from the off-season could do enough damage to put up some points and stop some offenses. Turns out, they couldn’t do either Monday night. Me-Angelo Hall got smoked time and time again by a rookie, and then said, “We got outschemed, period.” To which Jay Cutler replied, “We ran one on one coverages. Eddie Royal beat him time and time and time again.” The coaching staff in Atlanta was holding you back, weren’t they, DeAngelo? Chiefs cover, start Dwayne Bowe in your fantasy league, even if your other starters are T.O. and Jerry Rice (early 90’s Rice, that is).

Tennessee Titans (+1) @ Cincinnati Bengals: After last week’s disaster, I’m not sure I’ll ever bet on Cincy again. Their offense stinks. Their defense has stunk for years. Chad Johnson and Chad Ocho Cinco, neither showed up. Vince Young is out, but soon we’ll see this team is better with a drunken racist behind center. Titans cover, win.

Indianapolis Colts (-2) @ Minnesota Vikings: After watching their first game, it’s hard to bet on Indy. After watcing the last eight years, it’s even harder to bet against them. Take a fluke for what its worth. Colts cover.

New Orleans Saints @ Washington Redskins (+1): The Redskins looked like garbage. The Saints looked good. Reggie Bush is back, Devery Henderson is going deep, Drew Brees is feeling good. But something about a spread this low when one team looked great and the other awful scares me. I’ve had this feeling before. Vegas knows something we don’t. When it’s too good to be true, it is. Washington covers, wins at home.

Green Bay Packers (-3) @ Detroit Lions: If the Lions go 0-16, will they fire Matt Millen? Packers win 217-7.

Chicago Bears (+3) @ Carolina Panthers: The easy pick would be the Panthers at home after their upset of the Chargers. But I think the Bears defense is clicking on all cylinders, and Kyle Orton doesn’t look half bad (not to mention Matt Forte). The three is nice, but the Bears upset.

New York Giants @ St. Louis Rams (+9): It’s just too high, as bad as they played last week. Take the points.

Buffalo Bills (+5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars: I like the Jags to win, but they’ve got too many issues on the offensive line. Take the five points, Bills cover.

Atlanta Falcons (+7) @ Tampa Bay Bucs: Out: Jeff Garcia. In: Brian Griese. That means they’ll have Earnest Graham, Brian Griese, and Joey Galloway as their best offensive players. Sadly, Matt Ryan, Michael Turner and Roddy White sounds better. I doubt lightning strikes twice, but take the touchdown and the Falcons.

San Francisco 49′ers @ Seattle Seahawks (-6.5): They sucked at home, so I gott bet they’ll suck on the road. Take the ‘Hawks by a TD.

Miami Dolphins (+6) @ Arizona Cardinals: Can you remember the last time Arizona was favored by six points? It had to be the Jake Plummer years. I like the Cards straight up, but take Pennington and the points.

New England Patriots (+1) @ New York Jets: A win will inflate Belichick’s head more than it’s already inflated. I hate to see it, but I think it’s gonna happen. If Matt Cassel throws for three touchdowns, don’t be surprised. Final score: Pats 27, Jets 20.

San Diego Chargers (-1) @ Denver Broncos: This isn’t Oakland anymore. And Denver, last I checked, can’t stop the run. Both of these teams will be 1-1 after this one. Norv blew it last week, but not this week. The Chargers cover.

Pittsburgh Steelers @ Cleveland Browns (+6.5): I like the Browns. And I’m hoping they find some of that magic that came around last year. Six and a half at home? Pittsburgh looked sharp, but they weren’t on the road. Take the Browns and the points, don’t be surprised to see an upset.

Philadelphia Eagles @ Dallas Cowboys (-6.5): I think this year’s Dallas team is much like last year’s Pats team. Solid defense, great offense, and too good to bet against. ‘Boys cover.