Roaming through the internet, I stumble across The News Observer, a paper in North Carolina, and come across a title that reads: “Women accused of sexual assaults on UNC athletes.” I think: No way. Impossible. This is the coolest thing ever, something every guy has dreamed. Then I read the story, which has a few scary — and quite bizarre — happenings.

The players apparently met three women at a bar, went back to their place, and two of the players had consensual sex with the women. You can read the entire story here, but here are some of the insane things that went on.

The other two apparently had some consensual sexual contact with the women, but became uncomfortable and wanted to stop, Whitney said. At some point the players’ hands were bound with tape, Chapel Hill police said in a news release.

One of the players called 911, and police arrived about 3:30 a.m., finding two of the men in their boxers. The third player was clothed, Whitney said.

One player said when he asked a woman to stop touching him, both Taylor and Washington began punching him in the head, Whitney said.

In one account given in court Thursday, one player said Lewis stood naked with a butcher knife at his neck, that the player’s pants were pulled off and that someone tried to tie his hands with a belt.

Like I said: Fantasies gone bad. One moment you’re thinking there’s some good, kinky action going on, and the next second you’re tied up with a butcher knife to your neck begging them to stop touching you. Judging by the mug shot, there may have been some heroin and crystal meth involved. Just a guess.

Last Week: 1-3
On the season: 3-5
How I’ll do this week: Hopefully better

Last week was tough. This week will be better. Here’s my picks.

-Virginia @ North Carolina (-3): Virginia got waxed by Wyoming and then played a close game against Duke. I know nothing about either of these teams. But I know plenty about Duke. UNC covers, wins by 10.

-Notre Dame @ Michigan (-7): One team can’t score, the other team can’t stop anyone from scoring. This is a game people used to have marked on their calendar, now it’s a game to see which coach is closer to being fired. That coach is Lloyd Carr. But it’ll be at the end of the season. As long as Michigan has Mike Hart and Notre Dame has, uh, who they’ve got, Michigan covers.

-Tennessee @ Florida (-8): I hate picking against the Vols — I went to school there a couple years, ya know? — but they couldn’t stop Cal on the road, which leads me to believe they won’t stop Florida, either. I’d love to be wrong about this one. But I think I’m right. Gators cover, do the Tebow-Chomp.

-Texas (-19) @ Central Florida: It was a close game, but the scoreboard in the TCU/Texas game wouldn’t indicate so. Even when they’re sloppy, they still cover. Central Florida? Gimme a break. Horns cover, win a blowout.

-Boston College (+6.5) @ Georgia Tech: My Yellow Jackets are looking as good as they’ve ever looked, but unfortunately so is Boston College. This is the first year in a long time I can remember being 2-0 and thinking we’ve got a chance — I mean, I’m just saying a chance — of playing for a National Title. Problem is, Matt Ryan’s pretty good, and averaging 400 yards, regardless of who you’ve played, is pretty solid in a two-game span. My National Title dream won’t come to an end this week; that said, BC covers, loses by a field goal.

A lot of blogs are doing this, so I feel I should jump in. And with the recent nothingness in sports, why not? Which brings me to this: Each day I will try and post major conference breakdowns for all you college fanatics out there. The Big Twelve, SEC and ACC will be broken into two parts, since there’s two different divisions. All others will be covered in whole.

I’ll have a ranking posted next to each team, and for the teams in conferences broken down by divisions, that ranking doesn’t represent the ranking for the division. . . it represents the ranking for the entire conference. To see past entries, click here. On we go.

• Virginia Tech (2): They’ve got the best defense in the ACC behind them — one of the best in the country, for that matter — and they’ve got all sorts of emotional momentum on their side, as well. They have to play Georgia Tech and Clemson on the road, but both games are winnable. It’s hard for me not to pick a team whose D is led by Xavier Adibi and Vince Hall, probably the best linebacking duo in the nation.
• Georgia Tech (3): Call me a Homer, that’s fine. They lost Calvin Johnson, sure, but return 8 starters on a defense that finished in the top 15 last year. Oh, and they lost Reggie Ball. It’s rare that losing a four-year starting QB is a good thing, but, well. . . you’ve seen Reggie Ball.
• Miami (4): Can Kyle Wright finally get it right (no pun intended)? If he can, they’ve got one of the best defenses in the nation. They may need it: New offensive coordinator Pat Nix had Georgia Tech ranked 67th in total offense last year. . . with Calvin Johnson.
• Virginia (8): I remember when people were saying Al Groh was going to bring this team back to prominance. Right now, .500 would be nice.
• North Carolina (11): Butch Davis will turn this program around, but not in year one.
• Duke (12): It’ll be fun watching the biggest rivalry in college basketball face-off to see who finishes dead last.