The Chicago Bulls went with Doug Collins, who most recently coached Michael Jordan, only when he was in Washington. It’s an interesting move for Chicago, who I personally thought were going to go after a younger coach, someone who was maybe unproven. Collins has a 332-287 career record, and was fired from the Bulls in 1989.

After his firing, the hired Phil Jackson, had Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen in their primes, and went on to win a thousand Championships. Call it a hunch, but Joakim Noah and Kirk Heinrich probably aren’t MJ and Scottie, and even Phil Jackson couldn’t coach that team to a Championship right now.

The above picture is DeShawn Stevenson, not Michael Vick, though you’d think it may be since Michael Vick is the only person that still wears a jersey that says Michael Vick. He called LeBron overrated, and he wears the jersey of a guy that beats and kills animals. You’re doing a great PR job right now, DeShawn. Great.

Cleveland Cavaliers 100, Washington Wizards 97: I wasn’t able to watch the game because I was busy, but it sounded like it was a good one. Delonte West, not LeBron James, hit a three pointer with time winding down, helping the Cavs to a 3-1 series lead, and the series now shifts back to Cleveland. LeBron James had 34 points, 12 rebounds and seven assists, proving that he’s the most overrated player in the league and isn’t good at all. Gilbert Arenas played 32 minutes and managed only 10 points on 3-8 shooting.

San Antonio Spurs 86, Phoenix Suns 105: The series isn’t over yet. Though it’ll probably end in a couple of days in San Antonio, Phoenix fended off elimination and lives to see another day. The Suns shot just 42 percent from the field, but were able to hold San Antonio to 39 percent. Raja Bell led all Suns players with 27 points.

In Progress: Detroit Pistons @ Philadelphia 76′ers. Those pesky Sixers are hanging around. If this thing goes to 3-1, then you may want to stop saying, “Well, Detroit’s going to win the series,” and start saying, “Well, Detroit may be fucked.”

Utah Jazz 90, Houston Rockets 84: About every April is time for us to get ready to depart with T-Mac, and the April of 2008 appears to be no different. The Rockets lost 90-84 last night, dropping their second in a row to the Jazz, and now have to take at least one of two from Utah in Utah. The good news for the Rockets is that they don’t need to win both; the bad news is that Utah is 37-4 at home this year, pretty much clinching the Jazz’s chances of making it to the second round. Tracy McGrady had 23 points, nine assists and 13 rebounds, but managed zero points in the fourth quarter, giving him a total of one point in both final quarters played thus far. You hate to put it on the guy’s shoulders, but my God: He’s cursed in first round playoff games.

Washington Wizards 86, Cleveland Cavaliers 116: So much for this thing being a rivalry. Because to be a rivalry, Washington, you have to actually put up a fight. And even if you’re not putting up a fight, at least put your arms over your head to ball up and deflect some of the punches and kicks that are coming your way. LeBron James had 30 points, 12 assists and nine rebounds, leading the Cavs to a 2-0 victory, and showing that his stats, just barely better than T-Mac’s stats, are way better in victory. Gilbert Arenas was 2-10 for seven points; beyond that, is it just me, or is the guy starting to look fat? I know he’s been hurt, but goodness: He looks about a hundred cupcakes too heavy right now.

This is a video of last night’s Wizards/Pacers no-playoffs-for-you-Indiana game, and there was a rather scary moment for one Antawn Jamison’s boys. He takes one right in the balls, and there’s that always-awkward moment where the commentators are trying to figure out how to best put it. “It looked like he maybe got hit in the groin or in the stomach. . . oh, he took it where it hurts.”

So fifth grade. He took a shot in the balls. His stomach now hurts like shit. Just say it.

It’s not so much that the playoffs are set — teams can still win and lose and change their seeding — but we know who will be in there. Based on the two scores below, the Hawks and Nuggets have assured themselves a spot in the Final 16 (Sweet 16?). The Nuggets won their way in, while the Hawks kinda just lost less. That’s kind of a simple theme here in Atlanta.

Indiana Pacers 110, Washington Wizards 117: Thanks to the Washington Wizards, the Hawks will visit the playoffs for the first time since 1999. The last time the Hawks made the playoffs, they had Steve Smith, Dikembe Mutumbo (still in his prime, and not quite 50), and Mookie Blaylock. Yes, it’s been a while. Thank you, Washington. Thank you. To make Indiana fans feel sick, listen to this stat: The game in which they were eliminated from playoff contention, Washington’s starting five scored a combined 47 points. The Wizards got 70 points from their bench. The Pacers bench scored 22 points.

Golden State Warriors 116, Phoenix Suns 122: It’s a sad day for the Warriors, who were last year’s upset darlings, and who won’t be participating in the ‘08. With 48 wins — compared to the Hawks 30-something — the Warriors won’t be making the trip to play LA/New Orleans/San Antonio, while Atlanta will be making the trip to get swept by Boston (I’m hoping for just one win; give me one home win, and let it be the game I’m attending, and I’m cool with this season’s effort).

Toronto beat Miami, assuring them of the six-seed in the East and not playing Detroit in the first round, while also assuring that Miami will have the No. 1 pick. Other than that, there’s still some stuff up in the air, which will be resolved over the last couple games of the season.

Charlotte Bobcats 107, Indiana Pacers 103: This probably isn’t the highlight of everyone’s NBA Saturday, but it was mine. With the Hawks gripping a two game lead in the East for the final playoff spot, their last three games are against Boston, Orlando, and Miami. Indiana, who’s two games back, has Charlotte at home, at Washington, and New York at home to close the season. The Hawks lost to Boston, and beating Orlando will be tough. Thankfully, though, Indiana seems to be worse down the stretch than the lowly Hawks. The Pacers had Charlotte at home, a perfect opportunity to gain one on the Hawks, and choked it up. Danny Granger had 37 points for the Pacers, but it wasn’t enough to stop a well balanced Bobcats team (that almost sounds like an oxy-moron), who were led by Jason Richardson’s 26 points. Jermaine O’Neal played 20 minutes for the Pacers, getting seven points and five rebounds. The Hawks magic number is now down to one.

Boston Celtics 99, Hawks 89: When you look at their final three games, and figure how they’re going to clinch, you don’t really chalk this one up as a W. I’m a Hawks fan, and I’ve been stuck with many, many years of terrible teams, so this year I’m not getting any hopes up for the playoffs; that said, I can’t blame them for losing to a team that has far better talent and players. All five Hawks players scored in double digits, led by Joe Johnson’s 21, but KG had 24 points for the Celtics, and Sam Cassell came off the bench to add 20. It was Boston’s 64th win of the season.

Denver Nuggets 97, Utah Jazz 124: A couple of days ago, Denver had a two game lead after beating the Warriors. A couple of days later, their tied with the Warriors, and what was looking like their playoff spot to be had suddenly looks like something they’re losing their grip on. It was a three point Jazz lead at the half, but Utah outscored Denver 62-38 in the second half, showing why they’re one of the best teams in the NBA when they’re playing at home. Carlos Boozer, Ronnie Brewer, Mehmet Okur all finished with 20 points for the Jazz, and Deron Williams finished with 19. Carmelo Anthony and Allen Iverson combined to score 50 points in the losing effort.

New Orleans Hornets 91, Sacramento Kings 94: The loss puts the Lakers and Hornets tied for first, and the Spurs are only half a game back. I can’t remember the last time three teams were this close to winning the West this far into the season, but it’s making the NBA season fun to watch.

LA Clippers 116, Golden State Warriors 122: Read above about the Warriors and Nuggets: They’re now tied for eighth place, though Denver does take the tiebreaker. Let me ask you this: If you’re LA, New Orleans, or San Antonio, and you finish first in the West, who would you rather play: The Warriors, who beat the Mavs in Round 1 last year, or the Nuggets, who often choke in the playoffs?

Miami Heat 85, Indiana Pacers 105: If you look at Miami’s schedule the rest of the year, they’ve got one game where they may be favorites, when Memphis strolls into town April 11. Beyond that, they’ll probably be ‘dogs, and rightfully so. It’s hard to imagine how a team that won a championship two years ago, had one of the best big men and best young stars in the league, has come to this, but numbers don’t lie: 13 wins.

Toronto Raptors 104, Charlotte Bobcats 100: The win helped Toronto snag onto the sixth spot in the East, jumping the Sixers, which would ultimately help them avoid playing Detroit in the first round. Chris Bosh scored 32 points and grabbed eight boards, helping the Raptors get back on track.

Atlanta Hawks 116, Memphis Grizzlies 99: The Hawks are clinging to the eight-spot in the East, with the Nets breathing down their necks, and what better way to cling than playing the Knicks and Grizzlies in back-to-back games? That easy streak is about to end, though: Of their remaining eight games, five games come against Philadelphia (twice), Orlando, Boston, and Toronto.

Washington Wizards 87, Utah Jazz 129: The Jazz shot 59 percent from the floor, and nailed 15 three-pointers in their rout of the Wizards. Seven Jazz players scored in double figures, led by CJ Miles 29 point effort.

Denver Nuggets 117, Phoenix Suns 132: The Suns were down by 18 at the half, and trailed by as many as 22, but rallied on the back of Amare Stoudemire’s 41 point effort. ‘Melo and AI were a combined 16-37 from the field.

Dallas Mavericks 93, LA Clippers 86: Jason Kidd finally got something going on offense, scoring 27 points but only managed four assists. Dallas sits in the seven-spot of the West right now, gripping onto a one-game lead over the ninth-place Nuggets.

San Antonio Spurs 107, Orlando Magic 97: Jameer Nelso and Hedo Turkoglu both left early for the Magic, and the Spurs took advantage. Even without one of their sharpshooters, Orlando still managed seven threes and shot just over 40 percent beyond the arch. San Antonio won their fourth straight game, riding the heels of Tim Duncan’s 19 points nad 15 rebound effort.

New Orleans Hornets 114, Indiana Pacers 108: Chris Paul scored 31 points and had 14 assists, continuing on his ridiculous, MVP-like season. David West led all Hornets with 35 points on 14-24 shooting.

Atlanta Hawks 94, Chicago Bulls 103: How to lose what was once a close game: Score 14 points in the third quarter, as the Hawks did last night. Five players scored in double figures for the Bulls, led by Drew Gooden’s 31.

LA Clippers 90, Dallas Mavericks 103: With Dirk out and Jason Kidd not really doing much since he joined the Mavs, Josh Howard handled the load, leading the Mavericks with 32 points. An interesting stat: Since acquiring Jason Kidd from the Nets, the Mavs are 0-8 against teams that are above .500.

Charlotte Bobcats 106, Utah Jazz 128: The Bobcats looked good, oh, three weeks ago, putting together a nice little winning streak. Since then, not so great. Losing by 20 and giving up 128 also falls under that not-so-great part.

Washington Wizards 82, Portland Trail Blazers 102: Brandon Roy went down after one quarter of play, but the rest of the Trail Blazers picked up the pace. Martell Webster had 23, Travis Outlaw 20, and Jarrett Jack (17) and Channing Frye (10) contributed off the bench for the W. Caron Butler had 19 points for the Wizards.

With no football games, it’s hard to gamble, so, thankfully, we can throw our money away on NBA games that can really go either way. But it’s entertaining, right? And, in short, that’s the main reason we gamble. We don’t do it to win or lose — we do it because it takes an otherwise boring chunk of the night and becomes very, very entertaining, even if the entertainment is accompanied with many hours of grief afterwards. Enjoy my picks. I’m the best.

Last Night: 4-3
On the Season: 29-31-1

Tonight’s Games:

New Orleans Hornets (-5) @ Indiana Pacers: Every time I bet the Hornets, I lose. Likewise with when I bet against ‘em. So you should probably do the opposite here, but I’m saying take New Orleans.

San Antonio Spurs (PICK) @ Orlando Magic: The Magic are best at bombing threes, and the Spurs are best at buckling down and playing defense. Even if it’s dirty, Bruce Bowen style. That said, roll Spurs.

LA Clippers @ Dallas Mavericks (-11): The spread’s a bit high for not having Dirk, but it’s the Clippers. Go with it.

Atlanta Hawks (+4) @ Chicago Bulls: Hawks are suddenly winning again. Let’s see if they can keep the streak alive on the road, where they notoriously suck.

Charlotte Bobcats @ Utah Jazz (-13): Are you gonna bet the Bobcats on the road? Me neither.

Washington Wizards (+1) @ Portland Trail Blazers: Ever since I lost about 10 straight bets on the Blazers, I don’t bet ‘em anymore. So just take Washington. Trust the man who’s gone in debt over going the other way.