There’s nothing worse for Brett Favre than not being the center of attention all the F’ing time. So it’ll be upsetting news to him when he finds out the Vikes have given him a deadline of a week to make up his freaking mind already on whether or not he’s coming back.

[ESPN]

Sean Payton, whose New Orleans Saints were favorites in the NFC last year and managed to miss the playoffs, has written himself a little screenplay. And, to be perfectly honest, it’s worse than his secondary against a Falcons team they were favored by 4 points against last year. The script:

The movie, currently titled “The Xbox Kid,” is about a boy from a poor family in New Orleans who starts controlling the outcome of NFL games through a refurbished Xbox given to him by his grandfather following a devastating hurricane.

Payton said the idea came to him when his son Connor would play upcoming Saints games on his Xbox during the 2006 season.

“I just wrote about four pages, piddling around with it,” said Payton, who later turned the idea over to a professional screen writer to flesh it out.

I don’t doubt this movie will one day be a major motion picture. Movies like Dreamcatcher have slipped through the cracks before. And people have wasted $10 and two hours of their lives on terrible shit like Changing Lanes, starring Ben Affleck and a ton of boredom. So a kid’s Xbox determining the outcome of the games really isn’t all that far fetched.

[Fan IQ]

Going from Eastern Conference Finals to the Milwaukee Bucks kind of sucks for one’s career. Grabbing this piece of tail and and then marrying it can help pad the fall. Nice job, Richard Jefferson, this chick makes you relevant again.

[The Big Lead]

I think Shaquille O’Neal is an annoying has been. And even when he was great, I never thought he was great. Dominant? Check. Huge? Check. Hard as all hell to defend? Definite check. Great basketball player? Not so sure.

Sadly, I found Shaq less irritating when he ran his mouth and was actually good. As his career has descended and he’s bounced from team to team, I figured he’d just go away (or become a cop or something). But he hasn’t. And there’s a good piece on Yahoo! Sports that touches on Shaq and all of his annoyingness. A little bit from the piece in regards to Dwight Howard:

In the past year alone, Shaq called Howard an “impostor” and insisted that, “Everything he’s done, I’ve invented,” and on and on. On opening night of the NBA Finals, Shaq posted a goofy photo on Twitter of what a Dwight Howard and Stan Van Gundy child would look like. After five years of this, Howard still doesn’t get the reason that Shaq revels in ripping him.

“I can’t tell you why he’s said a lot of discouraging things,” Howard said Friday at the Staples Center. “I wish he wouldn’t say it because he’s one of the few guys that we all look up to.”

It goes on to state the obvious: That Shaq is rooting for Kobe and the Lakers because he doesn’t want Dwight Howard to do something in Orlando he could never accomplish — win a game in the Finals. There’s been rumors that Shaq might end up in Cleveland or LA by the beginning of next year, but I can tell you that I highly doubt Kobe wants Shaq back given the surge that Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom have provided — truthfully, Shaq would just slow them way down.

[Yahoo!]

So it’s halftime. And the Magic and Lakers set a new Finals’ record with the fewest points in the first quarter, scoring a comined 30 points (15-15 at the end of the first quarter). It’s 40-35 now, Lakers, and don’t be surprised if the Lake Show takes this one away in the second half. They’re up five right now, and that’s with Kobe going 2-5 from the field for 6 measley points. Rashard Lewis is single handedly carrying the Magic, scoring 18 of his 20 points in the second quarter.

I’m aware this is all special effects. But it’s still cool. And if it was real, Chris Cooley would get laid whenever he wanted. How many other tight ends can break through two sheets of drywall and catch a ball with little ease?

Most chicks that have never kissed a dude are fat or really men (and even those have kissed some gay dudes). This chick is good looking, in her 20’s, and never kissed a guy. Her first kiss along with a lot of other first things (we’ll not get into them, but you can use your imagination) will be on her wedding night. That dude’s gonna be majorly built up.

[Bar Stool Sports]

Tom Glavine has been rehabbing his shoulder, and was expected to start for the Braves any day now. Instead, he’s been released. The 43 year-old and 305 game winner said via text message that he was “surprised and disappointed,” adding that he’s ready to pitch.

In a prepared statement general manager Frank Wren said: “We appreciate and respect everything Tom has done for and brought to the Atlanta Braves organization and our fans. His accomplishments for our club during his Hall of Fame career is a measure of his dedication that we will always respect and admire. We wish him nothing but the best.”

Tommy Hanson, regarded by many as the best pitching prospect in the minors, is scheduled to start in Glavine’s place Saturday against the Brewers. He’s 3-3 with a 1.49 ERA, a .169 opponents’ batting average, and has 90 strikeouts and 17 walks in 66 innings.

[AJC]

The last couple of days I’ve bashed LeBron. Well, I’ve bashed him way before then, but now I’m really bashing him, and feel I’ve got something to actually back it before (where at first it was just out of total spite and hate). No, seriously, though — Adrian Wojnarowski writes a great piece over on Yahoo! Sports about King James and his sudden exit after losing Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals, without so much as a “Hey, nice job” to anyone on the Magic.

You people are going to keep telling me this guy is MJ? C’mon. He’s not even Larry or Magic. Let’s let him pass those two before we throne him as the next Airness.

[King James left the playoffs as a loser]

[Yahoo!]

Note to self: Don’t be the reporter that breaks the story on John Calipari’s cheating ass. Your name will be smeared all over Facebook, which is almost as bad as getting your name smeared on blogs. Almost.

[The Caliparis continue to use social networking tools to bash Pat Forde]